Qualities of a Successful Home It is much easier it seems to criticize than to complement. It seems much easier to point out what is wrong than to acknowledge what is right. Such is definitely the case in the secular research that has been done on the home. Most of the efforts to research and analyze the home have been attempts to find out what is wrong with the particular home. Yet, the adage is still true: One does not have to know everything that is wrong, he or she simply has to know what is right. Everyone wants a successful home. Parents want better things for their children. Members of the home want happiness and healthiness.
Over the years there have been some studies on successful home. In fact, there has been one rather large study by two university professors and several of their graduate students that shows some interesting findings. The research includes studying successful families all over the United States as well as some other countries. Over 21,000 families have been considered and the research is still being done. The conclusion is that successful families generally exhibit six traits and if families today can integrate these qualities into their homes, then perhaps they can be better, stronger, healthier, and happier. This is, of course, what every family is looking for and wanting. Interestingly and not coincidentally, these are biblical traits — God has already indicated this is the way families are to be. Genuine secular research only proves and supports what God has already revealed.
First, successful families constantly express appreciation. It provides a sense of belonging and is one of the individual’s deepest needs. It has long been proven that it takes a large number of compliments to offset just one insult. Appreciation encourages and inspires the person to continue to do better and gives him or her a sense of willingness to continue to do what he or she is doing. Paul said it this way: “Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing” (1Thessalonians 5:11). Paul also made it clear that it is a sin to be unthankful (2Timothy 3:1-5).
Next, successful families are seen spending time together. This point seems obvious but is often neglected. Dad is always busy trying to earn a living and support the home. Mom is running the kids here, there, and everywhere. The children are constantly wanting to go to someone else’s house and be with some of their friends. One day, the family finds they do not know each other and have not spent much time together because life was just so busy. Some retaliate and say that it is not the quantity of time that is spent together but the quality of time. One will not have quality time until a large quantity of time is utilized. Successful families make things happen and spend time together. Mark 6:31 says, “And He said to them, ‘Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.’ For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.” Jesus calls his disciples (His family) apart to spend some time alone. He realized that in order for the relationship to grow time had to be spent together. Right in the middle of feeding the 5000 and walking on the water, Jesus made sure to spend time with those to whom He was close. Today, if families are going to grow closer together and be more successful, then they are going to have to spend time together.
Then, families that are successful have good communication patterns. They do not just spend time talking. They are genuinely interested in the affairs of one another. They work out disagreements in positive way. They learn to grow from the conflict they have together. Again Paul said, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).
Also, successful families have a strong religious orientation. Again, this was not a study done by a religious group but the study revealed that strong families are religious. This is usually the place that people will find a sense of meaning and purpose in life. This is also the origin of family values and a good family atmosphere. Families which have no moral standard have no reason to treat one another kindly or to be compassionate to the other members of the family. They see no need to try and stay together and do not see the blessings that can come by remaining committed to making the family work. God demanded such in Deuteronomy 6:4-9, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”
Still another quality seen in successful families is commitment. They have a genuine desire to make the family work and put forth effort to that end. This is what helps successful families to be responsible and stable. They work at it. They understand that happiness and healthiness do no just happen. They look at the family as one. When one member is hurt, they all hurt. When one feels joy, they all feel joy. They have a real sense of commitment. When God begins a family, He wants a level of commitment that looks at the couple as one flesh. “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6).
Finally, successful families deal with crises in a positive way. They understand hard times will come. They know there will be difficulties. They simply deal with them in a way that will pull the family together and not rip it apart. They can see the rewards of going through the trials. They adapt and respond in a constructive way that will produce positive results. “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience” (James 1:2-3).
May every family strive to be a successful family.
-J
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