Focus on the Family

Leaving and Cleaving

In Genesis 2:18, Moses records: “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” The first problem that God saw in man was his loneliness. The story goes on to tell how Adam saw and named each of the creatures but could not find a helper suitable for himself. God then causes a deep sleep to come upon Adam and removes one of his ribs and forms the first woman. In Genesis 2:23-24, the account tells Adam’s reaction to the creation of the first woman: “And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Jesus emphasizes the point again in Matthew 19:4-6: “And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” It is the plan and purpose of God that men and women grow up and marry. Many reasons have been speculated as to why God wanted men to marry. The speculation is pointless because the Bible tells the reasons. First, marriage is an appropriate place for a sexual relationship (1Corinthians 7:2-4). It is the only acceptable place for procreation to occur and this was one of the commands of God to Adam and Eve (Genesis 1:28). Another biblical reason for marriage is so that man will not be alone (Genesis 2:18). There are other things that could be mentioned but this will serve as an example of reasons why God wants men and women to marry.

The focus of this article are the words leave and cleave. It is sad that this culture condones premarital sex and the ‘acceptable age’ for such action seems to be getting younger and younger. Here is a point that needs to be made clear: God does not approve of premarital sex! He never has and never will. Anyone who attempts to show otherwise is not going to succeed. The Bible is clear: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). Just as sad is this current culture’s babies having babies. Young women—perhaps even girls—are being promiscuous and suffering the consequences as they are having babies when they are not ready to have them. If people would follow God’s plans for marriage and the home, there would not be near as many sad things happening today.

God wants men and women to leave father and mother. The idea is that a person is no longer a part his or her parent’s family. He or she left that family. The reason he or she left that family is so that a new family could be started. Today, many people are getting married but they are not leaving mother and father. They are still very strongly attached to their parents and, in turn, are not developing a good relationship with their spouse. Some are taking this concept to the extreme and are not even moving out of Mom and Dads’ house. Thus, they are married and may even have children, but have not cut ties with their parents and—in a very significant way—are still treated like children. It is God’s plan is that before a person gets married, he or she needs to leave Mom and Dad.

God wants men and women to cleave to their spouses. The idea here is that they are stuck together so good that nothing can get them apart. The person is to stop cleaving to Mom and Dad and start cleaving to his or her spouse. This is proved by what Jesus continues to say in the text: “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). It is seen that if a marriage separates, God did not do the separating. It is His will that the marriage stay together and He will bring it together. If it separates, however, it will be because of man. The original word implies a union which nothing can dissolve. This idea is further seen in the creation act. The original woman was taken out of man showing that the wife is literally a part of the husband. The two halves make one whole. If there was more cleaving in marriages today, then there would be less leaving of one spouse or the other. God made provisions for man both when he is a young child and when he is a grown adult.

Finally, it is also noteworthy that God’s intent for marriage is that marriage is a life-long commitment. Paul said, “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man” (Romans 7:2-3). While it is true that the modern day culture is tolerant and even encouraging when a couple gets a divorce, the word of God still teaches that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). It is past time for men to stop listening to the culture and start listening to God.

From a very practical standpoint, it is obvious why God wanted one man for one woman for life. Situations that deviate from the divine standard are generally in chaos. Those older people who look back and know they did not leave mother or father soon enough can tell of the great problems that occurred because of such. The person who has been married to more than one spouse can tell you of the consequences: heartache, despair, and loneliness. The children of a divorced marriage attest the problems that occur when people do not wish to heed the will of God. The staggering correlations between metal illness, drug use, domestic violence and broken homes show the sad consequences of not heeding to the divine plan. If more people knew these things and more, then more people would work ever harder to make sure that their individual marriages stayed together and that their children were raised in a godly home.

God’s plan for marriage is that a couple leave father and mother, cleave to each other, and be together for the rest of their natural lives.

-J

She's Going to College!

So, we are up at Shawna's folks and I find out that her mother has not been getting digital copies of our family pictures for the past four years (perhaps another story for another time). I copy them to a jump drive and hand them to Sasha (Shawna's little sister) who begins to copy them to thier computer. Here is how it goes...

Sasha: "Jeremy, come tell me what year these are from."

Jeremy: "Sasha, they are dated."

Sasha: "No, they are not."

Jeremy: "Yes, they are!" This is as I am getting up out of the most comfortable chair in the house to come over to show her.

Sasha: "This one just says 0-5-1-5....oh, wait, I get it: 5-15-08."

It does not make sense to argue with the one who created the files by date!

-J

Only a 12-year-old boy....

-J

Christmas 2011

For some reason, J.T. wanted to have cake for Christmas breakfast this year. So, he is starting the day eatin his cake. Here is Dad opening a gift. He loved the money/gift card he got to buy a camel pack.

Here is Mom showing off an iTunes gift card she got.

Here is J.T. showing off one of the many shirts he got for Christmas.

Here are the kids opening their big gifts. Kaylee got a sheet/comforter set for her bed. J.T. got a sword to use in tae kwon do!

Finally, Mom gets a Christmas bear every year.

-K

Focus on the Family

Sibling Rivalry

There is no family that is immune to sibling rivalry. If there is more than one child in the family, then the children are going to have conflict at some point in their lives. This is common and frequent in families. Every parent expects this to some degree. Unfortunately, there are some families that continue to have this problem into adulthood. First, this article will point out some biblical examples of adult sibling rivalry. Then, the latter part of this article will deal with some biblical precedents that will help to alleviate the problem in godly homes today.

Examples of Sibling Rivalry in the Bible

The account of Cain and Abel is a great example to begin this point. In Genesis 4, the all too familiar story is told of this first sibling set. The Bible says that Abel was a keeper of the sheep and Cain was a tiller of the ground. As time went on, Cain brought an offering of fruit from the plants to God and Abel brought the firstborn of one of his sheep. God was pleased with Abel’s offering and was not pleased with Cain’s offering. Cain was not happy with this situation and conspired to kill his own brother. He succeeded in this plan as seen in Genesis 4:8, “Now Cain talked with Abel his brother; and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him.” Of course, in the following verses, God punishes Cain for his actions.

A few chapters later in Genesis 27, there is recorded the account of the conflict that existed between Jacob and Esau. Isaac, their father asked Esau to hunt game and make food for him. Jacob and Rabekah conspired against Esau and tricked Isaac into thinking that Jacob was Esau. When Esau returned to receive the promised blessing of Isaac, it had already been given to Jacob due to the trickery. It was too late for Esau to receive the blessing of Isaac. “Then Isaac trembled exceedingly, and said, ‘Who? Where is the one who hunted game and brought it to me? I ate all of it before you came, and I have blessed him--and indeed he shall be blessed’” (Genesis 27:33). Now much of these events were used in the plan of God to be prophetical concerning the nations of Israel and Edom. Even though that is indeed the case, the conflict that existed between Jacob and Esau serves as a fitting biblical example of sibling rivalry.

A New Testament example of two brothers having conflict is the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32. The younger son requests of his father his inheritance and goes and wastes that money in prodigal living. He, as the story goes, loses this money quickly and has to work feeding pigs. This would have been a most insulting job for a Jew in this time. Yet, it was not just that he had to feed pigs but he had to resort to eating what the pigs ate. He decided to go back to his father and ask for a job. His father rejoiced and threw a party in his honor. The older son was out back pouting about these events. Notice what the older son tells his father: “So he answered and said to his father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him’” (Luke 15: 29-30). The father rebukes him for his anger concerning the situation.

Biblical Principles that will Heal Sibling Rivalry

If adult children want rivalry to be a thing of the past, then they need only to heed the words of Jesus in Mark 12:29-31: “Jesus answered him, ‘The first of all the commandments is: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these.’” If these two principles are heeded, then conflict can be resolved.

If one will simply love God, then much of the conflict that exists in his or her life will come to an end. Love for God means doing what God says to do. Jesus said, “If you love Me, keep My commandments” (John 14:15). When one loves God, it means he or she will do what God says. Noticing the salvation of any particular family member will bring into perspective the serious things of life. If Cain had realized in a serious way his own salvation, he would have loved God and not murdered his brother. If Jacob and Esau had focused on God and what He wanted, there would have been less or no conflict between them. If the older brother had realized the condition of his younger brother, he would have rejoiced with the rest of the family in his decision to cease prodigal living. Today, if people will focus on God and what He wants in their lives, then much of the situations in life will naturally be resolved. This is seen specifically in the later part of Jesus’ command in Mark 12.

Love for God will lead to love for one’s neighbor, including his or her siblings. Paul describes love in a very graphic way: “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (1Corinthians 13:4-8a). Genuine love puts the other person and his or her interests first. If brothers and sisters would focus on the other in the particular relationship, then much of the possible conflict will be brought to an end. Again, this can be seen in the three biblical examples set forth in this article. If Cain had loved Abel, he never would have murdered him. If Jacob genuinely loved Esau, he never would have tricked his father and stole the blessing. If the older brother had loved the younger brother in a real way, he never would have pouted about the banquet thrown in his honor.

Today, if people will love God and their siblings, they would not have near the conflict that exists. It is true that most situations today are not as sever as that of Cain and Abel but the principles to deal with conflict are the same: one must love God and love his neighbor.

-J

Let this be a Warning to All

-J

Marriage Milestone

For the record, as of December 16, 2011, Shawna and I have been married 16 years. Fourteen of them have been happy.

-J

Open Mouth...Insert Foot

So, I am at work today. A few days ago, all employees were sent an email which instructed us to start keeping certain doors in the building locked and, if we did not know who the person wanting in, not to let them in but send them to the main door where they can sign paperwork and such. Sounds good, and in my line of work, is even understandable.

So today, a nicely dressed-professional-looking lady comes to the door wanting inside. I did not know who she was. I peaked my head out the door and asked, "May I help you?" Here is how the rest of it went (with very little dissemination):

Her: "I am here to help so-and-so with flowers."

Me: "Ma'am, I have been instructed to have all people go through the main doors and sign in, please."

Her: "Oooooo.....kay...."

At this point, so-and-so comes up and lets me know she here to help him and can come in the side door. I agreed. Then, nurse came and said, "Jeremy, this is my mother, so-and-so."

She said, "Hi, I am so-and-so's wife (the executive director's wife!) and I am here to help with the Christmas lunch we are giving for all the employees today."

Me: "Ma'am, if you don't mind, I will excuse myself to my office and see if there is room for my other foot in my mouth!"

Wow. Some Days!?!?

-J

Holiday Random Facts

If any of you know me you know one of my favorite pastimes is collecting random facts. Here are some for the holidays:

1. If the man in "The 12 Days of Christmas" actually recieved all those gifts, it would be 400 presents.


2. The busiest shopping hour for the holidays is December 24 between 3:00 pm and 4:00 pm.


3. The original Santa Claus was St. Nickalous, a Christian monk in Turkey. Legend says he gave up all he had and helped the needy.


4. In Ukraine, if you find a spider in the house on Christmas morning it is said to be a bringer of good luck.


5. The first Christmas pudding was made as a kind of soup with raisins and wine in it.

-JT

Grandma Got Revenge!

Who remembers that old song about Grandma getting run over by a reindeer? Well, guess what?

SHE GOT REVENGE AT OUR HOUSE!!!

We are not sure how it happened, but the reindeer we put up for Christmas got knocked over and flattened. It looks like Grandma's ghost came to get revenge!

-JT

Focus on the Family

Husbands, Love Your Wives

In Genesis 2:22-25, the Bible says, “Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Thus, the first home was established. The precedent for the establishment of the future home was also put into place. Did you ever wonder why Moses wrote of fathers and mothers on this occasion when there were not any in existence at the time? He was establishing the biblical way in which a family was to be built. A man is to leave his father and mother and marry his wife just as Adam was married to Eve. While God established the home by making a husband and wife out of Adam and Eve, He also put forth some principles for godly husbands and wives to incorporate into their lives in other places in the Bible. The focus of this article will be God’s plan for the husband of the home.

In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul is teaching about the relationship of Christ and the church. In order for people to better understand this relationship, Paul appeals to the relationship of husbands and wives. Several times, in reference to the husbands, Paul says that he is to love his wife. The word translated from the Greek New Testament carries with it the idea of sacrifice. Implicitly, the husband is to be willing to give his own life for the life of his wife. The love should run just that deep. Paul uses three comparisons or ways in which the husband is to love his wife.

First, Ephesians 5:25-27, Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.” There are many different ways in which Christ expressed and proved that He loved the church. The most notable would be the fact that He died for the church. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Christ lived so that those who will accept Him would have a pattern to follow and be able to live godly lives (Philippians 2:5). He made it possible for the church to have no sin held at their charge as seen in the key text. The church can be holy because of what Christ did for her.

Second, Paul commands that husbands love their wives in Ephesians 5:28-30 by saying, “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.” People do not hate themselves but rather they take care of themselves. If a person were to willingly hurt themselves for no obvious reason, it would be an indication that he or she is sick and not in their right frame of mind. Yet, an occurrence of domestic violence happens about every 30 seconds in this country. Many times, it is a man hurting his wife. Such ought not to be the case. Paul instructs husbands to love their wives just as they love themselves. Some abuse this passage by pointing to the fact that Paul makes husbands the head of the wife. They will then reason that headship allows them to abuse their spouse. Nothing could be further from the truth. God wants husbands to love their wives and treat them as they would treat themselves.

Finally, Paul says, “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” This, of course, is closely tied in with the concept of one loving his wife as his own body. The idea is that the husband is to do things to show that he loves his wife. In fact, from verse 31, one can learn that the husband is no longer to devote himself to his parents but rather devotes his time to his wife. The priority of his responsibility changes when he gets married. It moves from his parents to his spouse. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, as his own body, and even as himself.

Another point that is brought out from the text of Ephesians 5 is the concept that the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church (verse 23). Perhaps no one point of the husbands role in the home has been more abused than the concept of what headship is. Headship is not the idea of superiority, lordship, or being the boss in all things. Though generally, women are physically weaker than men, headship is not forced by and through greater strength. Those who practice and teach it as such have not considered how Christ shows Himself to be head over the church. He does not force the church to follow Him nor does He flaunt His deity over the members of the church.

Headship is a position of authority over the wife that is given to the husband by Christ. It should be tempered, monitored and practiced only by the love that the husband has for the wife. The key to understanding biblical headship is the answer to the following question: How does Christ exercise His headship over the church? He gives rules and regulations for the church that protect the church. He was willing and did die for the church. The church willingly submits to Christ because they understand His position of authority. Husbands, headship comes with great responsibility and should be exercised only out of the love you have for your wife.

-J

AT-TI-TUDE!!!!!!!

Any explanation necessary???

-J

Life is Very Interesting

Another week has passed so we have another update for you. I (Kaylee) just got a new bed. I am really enjoying it and have to share it with company now that my bed is big enough to accommodate them. My old bed was a bunk size but this one is a full size bed so when couples come, they can use my bed. Bubba really likes this set-up as he alone has had to share his bed with company up till now. I do not fall out of it anymore like I did the first couple of nights. It is really big and I like it a lot. I am very sneaky and opened a box that came to the house before my parents got home. Bubba and I opened it and found out that I am getting a new comforter and sheet set for the bed for Christmas. Bubba looked in it first and then I looked in it because I thought it was for me. When we get the new sheet set on the bed, we will post pictures.

Last night, the family went to a state park near where we live. We went with another family and saw Christmas lights they had on display. It was a drive-through experience and they were very pretty to see. I really enjoyed it and took a lot of pictures with my phone. My Dad does not have the cable he needs to transfer the pictures to his phone. So, you all are out of luck!

Yesterday, I helped with a Christmas party for little kids at the church building. I was in charge of a center which had reindeer food for Santa's reindeer on Christmas Eve. I helped little kids fill up containers with the food and they are to leave it in the container until Christmas Eve. Then, they poor it outside on their yard so Santa's reindeer can eat it for a snack. [I think it is just bird feed, but it sure was a hit! -j].

We have this huge tree in our back yard which has a lot of brush, limbs, and junk around it. JT has been working off and on to clean it up. We have made several trips to the dump and he is working hard at it. Here are some pictures of the work and progress.

One other thing: Today, I went to a friend's house and ate lunch. Then, the Wednesday-night-Bible class went to the nursing home to give the residents holiday cards and sing Christmas carols to them. They enjoyed it and we had a good time.

That is all for now!

-J&K

Prayer - A Constant Need

It is a concern of mine that perhaps we (definitely me, anyway) have treated prayer as a last resort rather than the first response it should be in our lives. Paul's words, "Pray without ceasing" (1Thessalonians 5:17) indicate prayer should permeate our lives - all that we do. Yet, I find myself lacking and guilty of waiting only until things get bad or a problem appears before I become the praying person I ought to be. Prayer should be present regardless of the environmental circumstances of life. Such inconsistency, no doubt, dissapoints the Father of Lights. I plead with you to resolve with me to change this grave error in conduct.

"Brethren, pray for us" (1Thessalonians 5:25).

-J

Wow!

There are days when you wonder if you should have got out of bed! I am not sure this is one of those days but...

We ahve been making Christmas candy, lots of it. Shawna wants to share it with the teachers who have been helping her. She will be giving finals next week and her first semester of teaching college of over! Christmas gatherings and events are happening all the time right now. We went to a Christmas open house over the weekend. We have multples parties scheduled in our future. Whew, it is busy.

Yesterday, as I open the door to the laundry room, I am introducted to water, lots of it! Well, not introduced but there it was rearing its ugly head in a way that it should not be. It was all over the floor. Apparently, the washer is not working right. We have a repariman coming out today to look at it. Oh, what fun!!!!

We shall wait and we shall see!!

I am trying to concentrate on the good things going on right now.

-J

And We Seen How She is Thinking...

As I am walking Kaylee out to the car to load up for school, this is how the conversation went:

Dad: "Be careful coming down the steps my lady. Let me get the door for you my lady."

Kaylee: "Dad, you need to be our dad and our butler. Do you know what a butler is?"

Dad: "Yes, a butler is a gentleman's gentleman."

Kaylee: "No, the butler has to what the rest of the people in the house tell him to do."

-J