Focus on the Family

Leaving and Cleaving

In Genesis 2:18, Moses records: “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” The first problem that God saw in man was his loneliness. The story goes on to tell how Adam saw and named each of the creatures but could not find a helper suitable for himself. God then causes a deep sleep to come upon Adam and removes one of his ribs and forms the first woman. In Genesis 2:23-24, the account tells Adam’s reaction to the creation of the first woman: “And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Jesus emphasizes the point again in Matthew 19:4-6: “And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” It is the plan and purpose of God that men and women grow up and marry. Many reasons have been speculated as to why God wanted men to marry. The speculation is pointless because the Bible tells the reasons. First, marriage is an appropriate place for a sexual relationship (1Corinthians 7:2-4). It is the only acceptable place for procreation to occur and this was one of the commands of God to Adam and Eve (Genesis 1:28). Another biblical reason for marriage is so that man will not be alone (Genesis 2:18). There are other things that could be mentioned but this will serve as an example of reasons why God wants men and women to marry.

The focus of this article are the words leave and cleave. It is sad that this culture condones premarital sex and the ‘acceptable age’ for such action seems to be getting younger and younger. Here is a point that needs to be made clear: God does not approve of premarital sex! He never has and never will. Anyone who attempts to show otherwise is not going to succeed. The Bible is clear: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). Just as sad is this current culture’s babies having babies. Young women—perhaps even girls—are being promiscuous and suffering the consequences as they are having babies when they are not ready to have them. If people would follow God’s plans for marriage and the home, there would not be near as many sad things happening today.

God wants men and women to leave father and mother. The idea is that a person is no longer a part his or her parent’s family. He or she left that family. The reason he or she left that family is so that a new family could be started. Today, many people are getting married but they are not leaving mother and father. They are still very strongly attached to their parents and, in turn, are not developing a good relationship with their spouse. Some are taking this concept to the extreme and are not even moving out of Mom and Dads’ house. Thus, they are married and may even have children, but have not cut ties with their parents and—in a very significant way—are still treated like children. It is God’s plan is that before a person gets married, he or she needs to leave Mom and Dad.

God wants men and women to cleave to their spouses. The idea here is that they are stuck together so good that nothing can get them apart. The person is to stop cleaving to Mom and Dad and start cleaving to his or her spouse. This is proved by what Jesus continues to say in the text: “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). It is seen that if a marriage separates, God did not do the separating. It is His will that the marriage stay together and He will bring it together. If it separates, however, it will be because of man. The original word implies a union which nothing can dissolve. This idea is further seen in the creation act. The original woman was taken out of man showing that the wife is literally a part of the husband. The two halves make one whole. If there was more cleaving in marriages today, then there would be less leaving of one spouse or the other. God made provisions for man both when he is a young child and when he is a grown adult.

Finally, it is also noteworthy that God’s intent for marriage is that marriage is a life-long commitment. Paul said, “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man” (Romans 7:2-3). While it is true that the modern day culture is tolerant and even encouraging when a couple gets a divorce, the word of God still teaches that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). It is past time for men to stop listening to the culture and start listening to God.

From a very practical standpoint, it is obvious why God wanted one man for one woman for life. Situations that deviate from the divine standard are generally in chaos. Those older people who look back and know they did not leave mother or father soon enough can tell of the great problems that occurred because of such. The person who has been married to more than one spouse can tell you of the consequences: heartache, despair, and loneliness. The children of a divorced marriage attest the problems that occur when people do not wish to heed the will of God. The staggering correlations between metal illness, drug use, domestic violence and broken homes show the sad consequences of not heeding to the divine plan. If more people knew these things and more, then more people would work ever harder to make sure that their individual marriages stayed together and that their children were raised in a godly home.

God’s plan for marriage is that a couple leave father and mother, cleave to each other, and be together for the rest of their natural lives.

-J